We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize