I cannot find my penis.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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