i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
