Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
