Kiss
Puke
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
