The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
