I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
