Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want to make a zoo with you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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