so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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