wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I didn't notice because vodka
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
