How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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