..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
its not stalking. its research.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize