I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this hospital has no fireball
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize