whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
