You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize