I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
