This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
