That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
