if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
