i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
