My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
