official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
