there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
