Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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