Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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