i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
