Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
