Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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