Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize