the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
