Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
