You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize