So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize