Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
