I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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