The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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