At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
