well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
