I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
