i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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