it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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