I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
