his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
