Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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