Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
