Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
