I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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