It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
