How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
