once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
