Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
