I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
