Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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