He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
