Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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