Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
