Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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