we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Houston, we have a blender
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
