whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
