we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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