a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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