He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
